Calcio Comedy: 15 Things To Expect From Brazil v Italy
1) The game is billed as a clash between the “world’s two most successful football nations”
2) Every person on the pitch wears gloves, long sleeves, and cycling shorts due to the body-numbing sub-zero temperatures. No-one swaps shirts at the end.
3) All 22 players do the sign of the cross when they enter and leave the pitch.
4) Once again Pele ‘The Jinx’ gets his pre-match prediction wrong. “Brazil will win 3-0, with Ronaldinho, Pato and Robinho scoring,” translates into an Italy triumph by the same scoreline.
5) Even if Luis Fabiano shows up on crutches with an eyepatch and both arms in plaster, Dunga will still start him up-front.
6) Whenever there is a stop in play, the camera zooms in on the beautiful Brazilian and Italian ladies in the crowd. The same Juliana Moreira lookalike (pictured above), with the dark tan, shows up on screen at least five times.
7) The Real Ronaldo is spotted scoffing a greasy pork pie and dairy milk. Sitting next to him, new best friend Michael Phelps is also enjoying some snacks, since he has the 'munchies'.
8) There will be at least one Mexican wave, at which point all true football fans will cringe.
9) During half time, a scuffle breaks out at the burger stall after a group of Italians attempt to push to the front of the queue.
10) The TV commentators fail to get through the 90 minutes without mentioning Roberto Baggio’s penalty miss from 1994. The same goes for Paolo Rossi’s hat-trick in 1982, Brazil’s 4-1 win in 1970, and the fact that Simone Perrotta was born in Ashton-under-Lyne and could have played for England.
11) Luca Toni portrays everything that Brazilian football does not – clumsiness, lack of technique and pace, strength and aerial prowess.
12) Every Milan and Juventus player who starts the game is substituted at half time, leading Jose Mourinho to have a sarcastic moan on Wednesday. Mauro Camoranesi and Alberto Aquilani never enter the fray as they are injured warming-up.
13) When Ronaldinho is substituted, he doesn’t stay around to watch the rest of the game. Instead he heads off to the West End to sample some of the London nightlife. Adriano and Robinho join him later, and they all stay out partying until 5am.
14) Marcello Lippi and Dunga will be asked about Amauri during the post-match press conference. Both will decline to comment.
AND FINALLY...
15) Sergio Mendes’ legendary Brazilian song – Mas Que Nada – will be played before kick off, at half time, and again at full time.
Carlo Garganese, Goal.com
. 
